marylou-k.com

Welcome to my personal blog.  Occasionally I might make some posts, "friends only," just to have a little privacy.  Other than that you're welcome to follow, but I only become mutual friends with people I know in meatspace.  Cheers.


Don't forget to visit my site, Skinny Chic.  

I just noticed how depressing my blog sounds lately...

I'm feeling a lot better lately, slowly but surely. Getting out of the house a bit more, meeting new people and generally keeping calm. : )

...Maybe I should elaborate?

I've been going to my counselling sessions and progressing up the sanity ladder, which is better. Right? :)

Tony and I have been sorting some big issues out.

Claire and I have sorted some huge issues out and are hanging out together again. I'm loving it. :)

I met a lovely boy yesterday who made me laugh, taught me some cool stuff about life and made me feel good about myself. It was really nice to meet him and share a meal at the Veggie Bar. :)

Today I met a really cool girl whom I'm seeing a film with on Wednesday night. She made me relax, made me smile and was a warm and kind person. Nice to have met you and shared a drink in lovely old Chapel street.

Last night I saw the Fireworks in Ferntree Gully for the first time in my life with Claire. (I grew up in Ferntree Gully.) We went after we had a really calming chat about how we feel. It was extremely good to clear the air, so we can move on and be happier in our day to day lives around each other.

That's it for now, still enjoying reading some Janet Street-Porter and looking forward to seeing Tony and Sophia after their trip to Taree. It's Sophia's 3rd birthday on Tuesday, can't wait to celebrate it with friends. xx

Before I get vortexed into all the things that I want to get done today, I'll do that post I promised to do about Thanksgiving. It was my first ever on Saturday, there were loads of lovely people to share it with at Lillian's house and Lillian had the best spread ever.

I said I would put this post in my Skinny Chic blog but the food that was consumed isn't exactly appropriate for that blog, (I can hear the people who were at the party reading this having a giggle...) so it's in my personal blog instead.

There was the Turkey of course... and sorry to my Vegan friends and health fanatic friends but I just didn't stop myself on this day. I wanted to try everything, from the delicious Turkey with the best stuffing ever and the Yams with the Marshmallow and Caramel sauce... Apple Pie and Cherry Pie and some things called, "Chocolate and Peanut Butter Cups." The energy in the house was buzzing, so much sugar. Now I've had a taste of what my friend littlebritlover has to eat on holidays. It's crazy. : ) (I was too late to take a photo of the delicious Chocolate/Rum Cake that had cream dripping down the sides.)

Here are some pix of what was consumed.

I'm trying to do as many calm things as possible today. I've had a pretty busy morning. I'm taking a break before I do the rest.

When I was in London earlier this year I mentioned a favourite Visual Artist, but I don't think I mentioned his name. I thought I might give you a taste of this interesting man's work.

Mark Ryden

Hi Guys,

I didn't know how to put this into words and also decided not to spend too much time on the net yesterday anyway.

Dad said something that really upset us more than usual yesterday and that ended with threats being made and my parents forcing their way into our house just to bully us again. I called the police after I had a fit and then dad disappeared. Mum acted like an angel in front of the officers but they did not budge until she left our premises. I really appreciated them for once. They also gave me a whole bunch of info on Stalking and Harassment Laws.

Just so you don't worry about me too much... I'm letting you know that I've seen the doctor, and tonight I'm booked into see a psychologist. I'm not enjoying the amount of shock my mind and body has gone through lately but friends and Tony and Claire are helping me get through it. Tony and Claire basically held my hand through everything yesterday. Today I'm going to do some meditation etc and then tonight we're all getting together to watch some IT Crowd.

Centrelink is being useful and helping me sort my mental health, then they'll sort out our money issues, then they will help us move out.

Sophia is coping exceptionally well and we've been giving her as many hugs and fun things to do as we can. We've also got her some new homeopathics to help her keep calm. She's doing really well, but she'll do better when we live in a rented house where she has her own room and there is no interference from my parents. It has taken a long time to come to this decision on Tony's part because he hates change but it's time to let go of all the benefits we get from free rent and move to a calmer and safer environment. Family happiness and safety is priority now. It's never been this scary and that's why we've been able to put up with so much, but now there's no other way to remedy the situation.

Hope you are all well.

Word. x

Hello!

I'm feeling a lot better after the ridiculous amount of bombshells that hit me on Friday. I've done all the things that usually help me heal and done several things that cheer me up and had lots of love and support from friends. Thanks everyone. I'll say it again, I'm very lucky to have all of you in my life. xx

Today I had a particularly great day, we got up early and took advantage of the extended babysitting we usually get over the weekends. Tony, Claire and I went to Camberwell Market. I bought several tops and jackets, none of them over $5, so happy. I want to go back and buy some rings I saw and some artwork I found on tiles. I'll take photos of those when I buy them. Oh and I got a really cute sun hat-leopard print. It's a really warm day and the atmosphere at the Market was great, loads of really cute Japanese students, selling old clothes to make room for all their new designer label things. I usually skip any other clothing racks until I see the Japanese students because I know that at least five articles of clothing will be from Top shop. : )

After the Market we went to Box Hill and had dumplings for lunch at Hot and Spicy House on Station street. You get 15 dumplings for $7 and they don't skimp on flavour. When lunch was finished we went off to the Box Hill Shopping centre which has a Duchess shop, cute little key rings there. Then went home with drinks from Bubble Cup.

Such a pleasant day- very happy and relaxed.

I'm going to be honest about the way I feel right now, because I'm freaking out. It's 3:30am here and I can't sleep all of a sudden. I've spent several moments throughout my evening crying. Here are some reasons why.

I've been going through major life changes:

• becoming the bread winner for the family.
• seriously trying to become more balanced and strong.
• trying to make something of my skinny chic blog.
• losing all my weight and maintaining my goal weight.
• making new friends.
• treating my friends with the respect, love and support they deserve.
• being a better mother.
• dealing with unprofessional people that make you want to just toss everything in and just not give a shit anymore.
• Matt Lucas's ex-partner, rest his soul, hung himself and for a full two weeks while starting my new full time job, I was freaked out and really sad for Mr Lucas.
• some other things happened that I can't talk about on my public post, that have changed my life forever.

__________________________________________________________________
Today I lost my job as a Legal Secretary, and the reason was, "you're too nice."

I have a plan for the coming days on how to tackle getting my next job etc. BUT, I'm scared, completely and utterly petrified. I usually have an idea of where my future is headed, but right now, I haven't a clue.

If there really is a God, I beg you please, don't send me anymore challenges right now. I'm not coping. I need time to process...

I had bought a few books from Amazon, but I think it's time to find that copy of, "Don't Let The Bastards Get You Down," by Janet Street-Porter...

Fingers crossed, my Valerian has done it's job and I can get some rest, I'm sick of the tears rolling into my ears while I try to sleep.

ps: I must apologise for not writing comments on everyone's posts lately, I've been extremely busy and really tired. Hope you're all well. I'll keep up with your posts from now on. xx

It might not mean anything to anyone else, and I don't even know for the life of me if anyone even reads Closer magazine in London or the rest of England for that matter, but... I'm in it this week.  Forgive me for being a little proud of my fierce look in my photo that is a plug for my Skinny Chic Blog.

Sometimes I find myself inspired to write to a favourite celebrity or someone that's famous that just happened to say or do something that moved me.  I don't know I guess I think it might be flattering to read an email from a fan that was inspired to do something amazing or push themselves passed their usual limits all because they saw their favourite celeb do something extra-ordinary?  Usually I can find some sort of forwarding email address and just use that, but for Janet Street-Porter there doesn't seem to be one so I'm going to blog about what I would have said to her if I could...

I'm reading your book, "Life's Too F***ing Short," when I'm not working or being a mum.  I'm still managing to get through it pretty quickly but it does have to be squeezed into my busy schedule. 

I had a crap upbringing, a sad childhood and a very long hard road to any kind of success and happiness in my life.  I always wanted someone to show me the ropes, give me advice and inspire me, because my parents never did.  I envy those people with parents who do amazing things that make them strive to be the best and always self-improve.  My parents are just bullies and nothing I ever have done or will do will ever make them happy.  I've given up on pleasing them and am working on making myself and my little family happy.  Once I asked a tutor from college, (via email) if she could be my mentor, but she answered a few months later with, "I'm sorry but I'm off work at the moment on bereavement leave..." or something like that.  I was devastated for her, but was still left wanting.  I gave up on looking for a mentor and have pushed myself to achieve a few big things in my life to date and I'm very proud of my achievements.

In reading your book I have been taught a whole bunch of things that I wish someone was around to teach me, when I needed it the most.  I think what I'm trying to say is that I've taken you on as an unofficial mentor.  I love what you have to say about friends and work.  I've realised some things about work that I would have taken years to work out for myself.  (You've saved me some more embarrassment.) Everything just sounds like we're on the same page.  We eat the same,  work hard, are career focused and passionate. 

I'll be sad to read the last page, wish you had more to share with us.  Thanks for writing an inspiring, thought provoking and witty book.

Warm Regards
Marylou

Something really traumatic happened to me yesterday that I'm probably never going to talk about with anyone, so don't ask.  I'm taking the day off to settle my nerves and regroup.  Tony bought me some herbs from the Naturopath to help me get through it and over it and I went into Borders to help me find a book to deal with it.  Of course not only am I shocked out of my brain that I'm going through it, but there aren't any books on it at Borders so I bought a book by Janet  Street-Porter instead.  It's called, "Life's Too F***ing Short," and I wanted to share what she wrote on page 10 because it's something I always want to remember.

WHEN YOU WAKE UP,
LIE STILL FOR TWO MINUTES

Recite over and over again:

I AM BLOODY BRILLIANT.

I AM GREAT.

I AM NUMBER ONE.

UNIQUE.

I LIKE ME.

I AM WORTH IT.

I AM HIGHLY INTELLIGENT, NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS MAY SAY.

You have to do this, because, take it from me, no one else is ever going to tell you that in the coming twenty -four hours.  To value myself is the single most important thing I have learned over the years.  No one ever did me a favour.  No one ever gave me a career break out of pity.  I did it all for myself.  By believing in myself.
Janet Street-Porter.

(She is truly awesome.)

I guess it's time for an update?  I've been so busy with my new job and then so tired in the evening's, it's been difficult to sit down and write.  Hope everyone is well and happy.  : )

My new job as a Legal Secretary is awesome, the team I work with is a dream, so is the Team Leader.  Couldn't be happier really.  Domestic life is a dream.  Tony has taken over as Home Dad, which is what he always wanted.  We're both so happy with me being the Bread Winner and him the house manager.  Sophia is happier and healthier and we're all just swimming along really nicely together.

Today was interesting.  Tony is in Sydney finishing a TVCommercial and I've had to do a lot of things on my own, so I woke up extra early, got dressed, got Sophia ready, then we went off to daycare early so I could read her a book before I left her in their capable hands.  She still moped when I left.

Then when I got to work, I sat in the car in the carpark, I thought I might listen to the morning news before I went into work, because I was early... The battery cut out, so I went in early anway and had to work out who could help me jump start my car after work.  (My dad always taught me to keep jumper-leads in the car, so I was ready for it.)  Everything after that was a dream.  Several people offered to help me with it, one person taught us how to do it, mum offered to pick up Sophia from day care and nothing else went wrong. 

I feel so supported it's nice.  Have to get a new battery now...

Other news will be mentioned in a friends only post.  Mwah for now kiddies.  *hugs*

If you've been following me on Twitter, you would have seen my first attempts at making, Wheatless-Vegan-Vanilla Cupcakes...  It was pretty funny, they tasted strange and had the texture of... Erm, I don't know, rocks...

Some of you may know that I'm allergic to baked Wheat, so now Ive tried baked Rice Flour and I don't seem to have a reaction, so here is the recipe after a bit of research on Vegan Wheatless Cupcakes:  It's enough to make 1 and a half trays of mini-cupcakes but I'm not sure cos I ate the rest of the mix.  It was too good, sorry.  : )

Vegan Wheatless Vanilla Cupcakes

1 cup Gluten Free Flour

1/4 cup Agave Syrup

2 tablespoons Vegan Butter

1 cup Soya Milk

1 tablespoon Apple Cyder Vinegar

1 teaspoon Vanilla Essence

Mix wet ingredients into dry till all the lumps are gone, then pour into cupcake tray and bake for approximately 20 minutes.


They're chewy and I don't recommend baking them in their casing.  They taste better than they look, they don't have any eggs or the same raising agents so they look different to your usual cupcake.    : )

I've been sitting here trying to work out how I'm going to do my next write up about a different way of making Cupcakes...  Well, I'll do that in the next post but for now I've got this other topic that is playing on my mind this morning...

I want to talk about older models.  Not because I want to be one, but if someone gave me the work I wouldn't say no...  There is a huge gap in the market for beautiful 35 plus models.  Please make it clear that I'm talking about age.  There are so many young models, bless them, that are wearing all the latest fashions and we always hear them going on about putting plus size models onto the catwalk etc. but the fact is they're never going to really get into that idea. (Which I think is sad, because there are loads of gorgeous plus SIZE people in the world and they shouldn't be ignored either.)   BUT, why not have older beautiful, graceful models that are 35 years of age and older?  Seriously, here is a list of absolutely gorgeous women who can make any dress look a million dollars:

Elizabeth Hurley, Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Nigella Lawson, Angelina Jolie, Natalie Imbruglia, Dame Judi Dench and Geri Halliwell, to name a few.

There are also a whole bunch of older models now  like, Kate Moss and Erin O'Connor who should be doing more work than they are, (on the catwalk and in Television Commercials).  The people that turn up to the fashion shows and pay the money for couture are not young girls fresh out of highschool or heaven forbid thinking of going to Uni, it's the older women who have worked for the privilege.

Let's not forget the men, there are so many attractive men that are well passed the age of 35 that should be modelling suits and casual gear, because not only are they the big spenders, they look fantastic.   (There are just so many of them.)

Let's not ignore the older beautiful people and start appreciating, respecting and catering to this lucrative target audience.

Word.

In this one, my foot cramps up... I could have edited it out but I'm not sure how to and it's not the point of the exercise anyway.  As I said earlier, it's an exercise in getting used to the camera, trying to learn how to like what I look like on video etc.  It's not easy, but I'll do my best to improve.  Lots of Um's and R's...

It's a review of the book, "The Boy in The Dress," by David Walliams.

This is mscate and her partner Chris.  They were selling stuff
at the CERES Market.  It was lovely to see them there.  : )


We bought bunnies off Aunty Cate. 


The great salt shaker, I bought from mscate


We saw garden art.


Of course there were bikes everywhere.  Good to see.


Sophia's bunnies had chai with us. 


My Soya Chai


Sophia playing with a puppy. 


Sophia and her mummy.  : )

CERES

Actually Eddie Izzard is really funny and both David Walliams and Eddie Izzard are laudable human beings, no matter what newspapers say about either. 

Marylou: 1 year old. 


Marylou: Age 4 Making Wine


Marylou: Age 5


Marylou: Age 5 Being Taught How to Make Bread.  My mum
is on the left of the photo.


Marylou: Age 7 Received an Award for Highest Acheiver in her Ballet Class.


Marylou and Mum: Age 9 Buying Fresh Fish Bun in Cyprus


Sophia: Straight Out of the Womb

What do you do with yourself when, you're a Turkish Girl, who's in love with all thing's British and you live in Australia.  Just about everyday, I dream about living in London.    The only thing to do really is force yourself to embrace what you've got... and I really do mean force...  When I was a child, I begged my mum to serve me Bangers and Mash and use less spices with her cooking etc. but of course I was fed, heavily spiced meats, baklava for dessert and sugary cups of black tea and ayran .   Now that I think about it, that doesn't sound that bad, but I hated it because I wanted to be English.  Both Turkish and Australian things made me cringe and hate myself.  Turkish food made me think of being a Wog and everyone hated Wogs at school.  I tried to embrace Australian cuisine, but I hated Lamingtons and didn't understand the concept of thinly spreading a black paste over your toast called Vegemite?  Instead, I fell in love with Rick Astley and any other music that came out of Stock Aitken and Watermen, loved Depeche Mode and danced around like a gay man to The Petshop Boys.

Basically I didn't like much about being Australian and still have a little bit of a cringe to myself now but since getting married to my husband... I have developed a strange fascination with Rhyming Slang.  To the best of my knowledge this is something that originates from England but it's used quite a bit in Australia, especially if you live in Rural areas.  It makes it difficult for me to understand what Tony's saying sometimes but he always explains and now I've started looking it up so I can use it on him.  It's strange but fun.  Here are some sites that give you an idea of what I mean. 

Word

Rhyming Slang:

Australian Rhyming Slang

Some Examples

From Dictionary.com : pleas⋅ure

–verb (used with object)

9.	to give pleasure to; gratify; please.

I've been thinking about pleasure quite a bit lately.  I had been researching why we have the desire to eat and found that it was linked to sexual desire, that scientists had done tests on the brain waves and found the same brain activity for sexual desire and hunger.  (Can't remember where I found that ariticle right now, but it makes sense to me and this is my blog, not a thesis proposal.  Here's an article I found that has a bit to do with what I'm pontificating about: Emotional Eating )   This got me thinking about addiction and emotional eating of course.  Why is it so easy to give into over-eating and so hard to say no to sex.  To me it's about survival, but on a day to day basis we see it as, supplying comfort.  Food fills the gap, sex makes us feel loved.   If we don't procreate or eat, we don't perpetuate the species or stay alive.  So happiness and pleasure are linked to survival.  Obviously the sadder you get the closer you get to suicide and the happier you are the easier it is to exist.

There is a book, "In The Pursuit of Happiness." Is it that important?  Absolutely!  Ways to achieve instant gratification make a lot of money in this world.  The sex industry makes loads of people happy... and the weightloss industry is HUGE!!! Being sexually fullfilled and thin brings people great pleasure, but it doesn't guarantee lasting happiness.

Seeking pleasure is another reason people get addicted to drugs.  It brings instant comfort and happiness, takes us to another place, where everything's calm, and peaceful...  We're obsessive and prone to addiction by nature.  Anyone who says that they don't have an addictive nature is lying, we're all fixated or focused on something, it's just that some people's choice of addiction is more destructive than others.  (Does it have something to do with not being shown that we were loved as children?)

Basically we're constantly trying to avoid reality, pain, chores and confrontation... 

That wasn't coherently written... meh...

Bit bored now...

Word.

ps: I ate like a hippo today and loved every minute of it.  Lol.

The sign that lets you know you're in the right place.


Sometimes we have live music.


Tiffany is an awesome teacher and is very patient with me.  : )


Me pretending to know what I'm doing.  Easier in a group.





Estel right after she climbed under the table.  : )


I'm really trying to take in what I'm learning but I'm always so tired...


This is Paul, he also teaches us, he's also very patient with me.  : )


Carey with the hat on, is saying goodbye.


Me, not paying attention.  : )


These two were the last two standing, this dance went on...


Gil, has a lot of energy, he's the blurry boy...  : )


Gil was the last man standing in that other dance...  Go Gil.  : )






Ah, so he does slow down.  Awesome. 


Sweethearts...  : )


Taking a break.

Thanks you to everyone who let me screw around with my camera while everyone was trying to concentrate.  Thank you Tiffany and Paul for being such lovely teachers.  x